04 Apr Game of Life
Funny how life works. I’ve been waiting to get my ass on the rowing machine and wear my new Kayanos (not new if they’re 2 months old but I haven’t used them at all) but when I managed to erg today and jog on the treadmill today, all I wanted to do was cry.
Physio finally approved of me sitting on the erg. I was excited and so stoked to finally be able to erg. 3x2mins with rest in between he says but I thought it wasn’t hard enough so I pushed my limits a bit more today. Did a 30mins with some rest in between. Shoulder was doing okay, but the splits were not good. The aim of the session was not to pull a good split but just to get back into the rhythm of rowing but it didn’t occur to me at that point in time because I was too engrossed in watching my splits and feeling so frustrated that I was slow and weak. I immediately jumped on the treadmill after the erg because I thought my run would at least be a saving grace. But what used to be my warm up speed was the session I did for the whole 30mins. I finished the run feeling tired and angry.
I’d rant about feeling like shit to my mental skills coach but he’ll tell me to rationalize my feelings.
Why was I frustrated? Why the anger? Is it not expected that I would be slow because I haven’t been sitting on the erg or running for almost 2 months now? Shouldn’t I be more grateful instead because at least the wait is over and I can do other workouts besides the stationary bike? Did I not already mentally prepare myself for this day when I know I’m going to feel absolutely miserable sitting on the stupid rowing machine or going for a run and knowing that it is going to be so disgustingly hard? Isn’t it always hard in the first place and it will get better?
Slowly but surely.
The past 7 weeks have been greatly frustrating but I started off finding it awfully challenging to complete a 1hr session on the bike and now I’m doing 2hrs each week- I can’t say it’s not hard because it absolutely is but IT WILL GET BETTER.
Trust- gotta trust that with time, my shoulder will get better and stronger and I will be able to row 20km and run 10km again. And do whatever the hell I want again.
THE BEGINNING IS ALWAYS THE HARDEST.
IT WILL GET BETTER.