25 Mar Saying yes to adventures
I had a friend from Singapore who came over to Sydney recently and usually when I have friends staying over at my place, I hardly get to spend time with them because of my training commitments. But when Fifi was around these past 3 days, I was actually able to train and still brought her around Sydney. In fact, to be honest, because my training is mostly done at home or in the gym now because of my injury, I have the flexibility to do it at any time of the day. I realized I’ve been waking up later to cycle and sleeping later. I still do get my 8 hours of sleep but I’ve been waking up at 9 or even 10am! But since Fifi was around, I’ve been up early to complete my training. Like today, I woke up at 5am to cycle before we had to leave to catch the sunrise. The best thing about waking up that early to sit on the bike was that, I actually loved it. I miss those dark, peaceful mornings when everyone is asleep and I’m up and ready to take on the world. I miss being able to have burnt a thousand calories, no less, and it’s not even 8am. I miss rowing.
I miss rowing so much there was one night I just cried my lungs out for no reason (yes, blame the period too). I miss rowing so much that it has come to a point whereby I just don’t want to talk about it. I can’t wait to get back in the boat but at the same time, there is a fear that I might find it so frustrating because I am not going fast and it will all seem all too difficult, and the blisters – oh the blisters. It is going to be hard. I just need to prepare myself physically, mentally and emotionally for that.
Anyway, visiting some of these “touristy” places with Fifi took me back to days when I was curious and adventurous and fun. I used to be looking out for events and activities to attend. I used to be exploring new places, trying out new food, meeting new people. Nowadays, I just feel either lazy or pretend to be “too focused” on my rowing, or cycling, or whatever I am doing at the moment. We drove up to the Blue Mountains, walked around the city and took the Manly Ferry. I realized that being too focused on my training for the past few years, I’ve not really spent enough time to appreciate how lucky I am to be living in this city. I realized that training can be hard and painful and disgusting and yes, it is important to be focused and committed to what needs to be done but I sucked at balancing my life so much that I’ve lost the joy in being adventurous.
So, I’ve decided that I want to do myself a favor. I still want to be awesome at rowing, I still want to compete and win, but at the same time, I want to be able to take in as much as I can of the bits and pieces of Australia, before I leave. I don’t know when I’ll leave, there might even be a chance I might not return. So I’m going to make the best out of my time here. Maybe I’ll visit a new town or a new cafe or restaurant every week. Pick up a skill that Aussies are good at (except surfing- haha- well, because I broke my nose while surfing 3 years ago).
And a little on my shoulder update. It’s coming into the 7th week now, and 3 months of being out of the boat. Feeling a little rough and like I mentioned before I’ll go crazy if anyone comes and ask me if “I need to talk about it” because I don’t (but I clearly do but I refuse to budge and I don’t know how to). The wait is driving me mad, but I’m being really, really patient about this. I do whine and cry about it but that’s how I remind myself that I’m human. I hate cycling but I still do it anyway. I probably have to be patient for the next few months as well to build my shoulder strength and increase it’s stability. Hopefully I’ll be able to be back in the boat in the next few weeks. Meanwhile, I’ve been keeping myself busy with cycling. It is not getting any easier even though my legs look like they’ve doubled in size but I just have to keep going and trust that every minute on the bike will make me faster on the boat. Maybe one day I’ll look back at this post and I’ll be thanking myself for being bloody patient and for pushing on even though it doesn’t seem like my life is going anywhere at the moment.