24 Feb Don’t let anyone dim your bright
Before I let this incident past so that I can move on with my life, I think it would be useful to many out there (and probably my future self) if I were to share this story.
So last week I was supposed to have a photoshoot with some workout apparel but it was my first day of period and I was actually experiencing one of the worst bloating episodes ever. I was supposed to be wearing a sports bra and tights so I felt my fats just spilling out of my waist and the fact that the tights that I received were a Size S didn’t help. I was feeling so utterly miserable that I cancelled the shoot, went home and just cried my eyes out telling myself that it was such a disgrace that I am an athlete and I don’t even look athletic and I don’t have any abs. And that I was just fat.
This week, somehow I managed to convince myself that I don’t really care what people might think about my muffin top and flabby arms and decided to get on with the photoshoot. It is just so amazing how that one week obviously didn’t change my body whatsoever but just by flicking the switch to what my mind thinks, I feel so much better. And to my surprise, when I looked at the photos taken the week before, they weren’t fat at all. I mean, I know that I don’t have the perfect athletic body that everyone probably dreams of, but I am pretty damn sure I know that I have some assets I am proud of. So, instead of focusing on trying to achieve a flat tummy and a nice bum, I stood tall and smiled. The photos weren’t perfect but I thought they captured the real me- the girl with flaws, with some fats here and there, the rower who’s currently injured and thus not able to train fully therefore you can’t expect lean arms on her, but most importantly, the one who will not let anyone dim her shine.
But I guess that’s what makes life interesting- having a goal and working towards it. I’m a creature of constant improvement. I need challenges in my life to keep me on the balls of my feet. I want to grow and learn and become better. Having a little fold in your waistline or a crease of cellulite on your thighs are absolutely okay. What’s not okay is comparing yourself to others. I can’t help it that the Asian thinking is that women should be petite and skinny to be considered attractive. It definitely doesn’t help that I’m living in a superficial city like Sydney where Botox is considered a norm and every athlete seem to look like a fitness goddess. And it is even harder that I used to be really skinny, and strong. So shut up, society. Stop telling me how I should look like because I’m made different from everyone else.