30 Jun TRUST.
I don’t know if its my laptop, or the wifi connection at home, or is it just the server of this website but it’s such a pain to upload my photos and blogs and it turns me off from updating, but the fact that I paid for this website thinking I’m a tech pro when in actual fact I don’t even know what a RAM is other than it being an animal, makes me even more pissed.
But its Ramadhan and I shouldn’t be pissed so I’ll find another way to update my blog which I’m sure the world is interested to find out what is in store in the life of a rower (things I tell myself to make me happy).
And it’s Ramadhan and I had the most emotional first day of Ramadhan ever yesterday when I had to iftar alone in front of the TV.
Yes, so I did choose to come back to Sydney and it’s wholly because I know training here will make me faster like how it did when I was preparing for the SEA Games (and also because it’s just becoming way too hot in Singapore). It’s winter now and the winds have been very merciless and me being your typical Singaporean would find the single digit morning temperatures really cold and night time freezing my fingers and toes off but then I remind myself that I’d rather the cold than the heat (which sometimes I have to lie to myself about this because it’s not true) but hey, the grass is always greener on the other side, and complaining won’t make my boat go any faster.
So, to cut things short and to summarize the whole story that happened when I was in Singapore for 5 weeks, I went back to compete in the South-East Asian Rowing Champs but towards the competition day, my ribs were starting to hurt again, and this time round I made the decision to withdraw because the one thing that was going through my head was that I don’t want to spend another 3 weeks out of the boat if it becomes a fracture, or gets suspected of a fracture because after the Sydney incident, I hated every mintue of that 3 weeks I didn’t get to row. Hooray for standing up for myself there because if I was my stubborn self I would have continued to race and put my Asian Games campaign at an even higher risk.
But withdrawing meant that since the SEA Games, I haven’t had any races which scares the coconuts out of me, but I must trust the process. I gotta believe that I will be putting in my 100% and even more for each training from now on and that eventually, everything will be okay. This “professional athlete” thing can be quite scary sometimes because an injury can cause you to lose your career and the trust that my stakeholders have on me (CHEY STAKEHOLDERS). But I won 2 Bronzes in 2011 with a fever, I receuperated from a broken nose surgery in 2013 and brought home a Gold. This is a sign things are gonna get better. Im under the good hands of my coach and the medical proessionals here in Sydney I WILL BE A-OKAY. TRUST THE PROCESS #remindertoself
I wish to the heaven and stars and the planets and whatever is out these in the sky that I would never have to withdraw from any races ever again.
When things go rock-bottom, the only way is up, up, up.
Team Singapore did pretty well for the Champs I reckon. Considering that some of the rowers are pretty new on the boat, I’d say, they look promising. And SEA Games 2015 is in a year’s time, MADNESS!
It’s truly nerve-wracking to know that it’s merely 3 months to the Asian Games too and my competitors are doing so well in these races I’m missing. But hey, your biggest competitor is yourself, Aisyah.
Oh dear God, I miss being fast and strong and unbeatable on water. Help me get to where I’m meant to be. Amin.