Resilience.

66 days to the Qualification.

I didn’t jump out of bed this morning. The routine of leaving home was broken when mum started a conversation with me- noone likes to have conversations at 5am but mum does. Instead of the planned 5:30am, I left home at 5:50am. I don’t like it when my morning doesn’t go according to plan. The walk into Pandan this morning wasn’t as light and bouncy as it was yesterday. There was a certain slump in my walk, my shoulders and back are majorly fatigue from carrying my bag (and today, a laptop bag) around. I need to do something about lugging my whole wardrobe around. The air was a bit more still today but I could feel the wind picking up. My decade-long experience of reading and probably tasting wind speed and direction did not let me down. I was right- It was windy when I launched off and there was a constant crosswind. This is gonna be fun.

I think I’ve matured in my thoughts while I row. There is, of course, the constant chatter with myself, with the usual distractions, thinking about the Ya Kun toast I’m going to eat after training or  most of the time, my mind will drift away to how good it will feel like to be in Sydney. But recently, I’ve learnt to snap out of it and bring myself to focusing on what needs to be done now, in order to get to where I want to be.

That’s what me and Uncle Bay have been talking about- process goals. Thinking about NOW and what I can control instead of wasting my energy thinking about results and expectations and stressing over what is beyond my control. The first person to have brought this up to me was Goken-san. It was probably one of the best advice I’ve ever received, which totally changed how I approach training.

Anyway, so the row today was short- power strokes sessions are always short, but nothing short or sweet in the intensity zone. It was pretty windy and the constant crosswind was a bitch, but I kept on reminding myself of how awesome I’m gonna be in crosswind when I’m done. I didn’t start my pieces with a good mindset- I was thinking of how shit the row is gonna be in the wind but after a few sets, I was starting to enjoy it. "Enjoy" isn’t really the right word to use but I can’t think of any other suitable word right now- I’m an athlete, not a thesaurus.

As compared to rowing 20km yesterday, today’s 12km seemed really short. And relatively "easier" but I am starting to feel the effects of the bungee on my legs now. Good, at least I know I wasn’t slacking.

The temptation to slack off is so high, especially when I’m training alone. Skipping training is obviously not an option but I feel as though I’m not hitting the speed as much as I should be. On Sunday, when I did a 16km paddle with Steen, I was stuffed! That was what training is supposed to feel like, or is it? It scares me that I’m not pushing hard enough when I’m training alone.

Yesterday’s training seemed more upbeat. The 20km was long and arduous but I literally jumped out of bed and was excited to row. I felt as though there was a spring in my step, I love Mondays. I have been going around spreading my love for Mondays- if you can’t conquer it, you embrace it! I LOVE MONDAYS. I did the 20km in 4x8k pieces (excluding warm up and cool down laps) which made it seem more manageable. It helped heaps breaking it down into smaller pieces. When I was done, I was soaked! It felt really good. The PM weights session was pretty good too. I really enjoy training at the Anytime Fitness outlet at Kallang Wave Mall. I love it when there is absolutely no idiotic gym rat(s) hogging the squat racks and using it to do their military press (an upgrade from doing bicep curls- but still). Unfortunately, Kallang Wave Mall is just a bit too far for a Woodlands homie like me. Yesterday was just a good day, I must say.

But everyday will be a good day if you let it be! I still have a chance to make today a good day.

I’m staying positive- but Uncle Bay shared with me the dangers of being positive, which makes absolute sense. Sometimes, these mental strategies are so fluffy you try make sense out of them but Uncle Bay puts things into perspective.

Anyway, I’m having a good feeling about this mental preparation thing. I am finally learning.

And on a side note, I’ve decided to take notes on my journey to the qualifications (& hopefully Games) since this experience will only come once in every 4 years (& in a lifetime to some). So yeah, hi! This is gonna be the first of many (I hope).

And a note to self: There will be people in this world who will try to bring you down. Just continue to fight for what you believe in and ignore the nay-sayers. Stay strong, little one.

xx